Sep
10

I am here

I wonder.
Each time I consider you,
I wonder.

Would you be the one to take this dream threw fruition?
Is it you that will take this bond I write within,
off of me so I might breath the air given to us by,
the breath of the universe?

I sob.
I sob when I remember you,
taken a breath close to my bed wondering,
will he live again? Will he live and love me,
again?

I did.
I do.

I am here.

Sometimes I lean on the window in my office and look at the beautify of the summer.
Then other times I look out of the window of my office and I see people
living life as it should be lived. The way i would like to live it, however because
of a couple of apparently HORRID mistakes good life is no longer available to me.

Some say the things you do come back to haunt you, and perhaps that is true.
I would even say I deserve it. What I will also say is that it moves my mind to places
it should not be. Sadness. Sadness forever.
is that what I caused. if it is, the punishments fit the crimes.

I hope you never feel as bad as I do.

I think in my small life sometimes,
what is it all for?

There is nothing for me really
What is my joy?

It is not even giving anymore because they have taken the ability of that away from me, ha ha.

Yes I laugh at it because there is noting left to do.

I am a sad man when I consider it.

I am a sad man when I see me in the mirror when i shave on the rear occasions.

I used to shaved daily but is seems so useless now I rather not waste the razor for I will need to replace it, and where or where will the money come from other than that woman who has been loving me since the time I have , well you know then……..
yes I have had the drink but what else is there for I am alone once again but how can I be angry about it.

Most of it, hmmm all of it is my fault if i walk from the beginning of it all, ha ha no but it might as well be because if not i would be blaming Adam and he has enough on his shoulders with eve and all of that, ha ha

Ehhhhhh the circle continues and there is no real resolution, until, well yeah, there will be no resolution.

They try to tell you that there is a resolution but there is no such thing because we are made of things that are so far beyond is that we cannot even consider it. ha ha. ya the ha ha again because it is so very beyond us.

I come to you become there is nothing else and I don’t believe in you. I believe in something more that myself and you are the closest one that will accept me, so here I am.

I considered GOD, but found only god some time ago with my uncle who was a preacher in Myrtle Baptist Church in Louisiana. He worked with me as a mother’s brother would with her son, and I believed what I could but it all seemed so ridiculous. I did try but there never seemed to be a reality to it because the world continued to present it’s self as I pretended to be a deacon. So what did I do. As an early teen i took advantaged of my position and bedded every women in the name of “god” that I could. “AND I watched men in the church I new do the same thing”.

“blessings unto you”

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